Local Hero, Allegedly
Format: Mockumentary interview
Approx. length: 1-3 minutes
Original audition scene

INT. COMMUNITY CENTRE - DAY

DEREK sits for a documentary interview. He takes himself very seriously.

DEREK
People say I saved the fete. I don’t use those words. Other people use those words, and I nod with appropriate humility.

The problem began with the bouncy castle. No one checks wind speed at a village event. That’s how civilisation collapses. I had an app. I had cones. I had a whistle left over from my brief but influential time in five-a-side refereeing.

When the gust hit, everyone froze. Except me. I moved towards danger at what I would call a controlled trot. Not a run. Panic runs. Leadership trots.

I secured the castle with the emergency rope system I had been proposing for years. Was I mocked? Yes. Was I called “knot boy” by the treasurer? Also yes. But when that inflatable dragon tried to make for the A-road, who understood the bowline? Derek understood the bowline.

The children were never in danger. They were in a scenario. There is a difference.

Do I expect a plaque? No. A bench would be excessive. A laminated certificate near the tea urn would be tasteful.

And if the treasurer is watching this, I still have your exact words from the March meeting. “Ropes are not a budget priority.” History will decide.
